EXILE

2011-07-10T23:53:00.004+08:00

amidst the many social and emotional issues i encountered this week, i find calmness in my heart.

I wonder is this an indication that i am growing up and taking things on my stride, or I am resigning to fate and leaving else things to God. May be I am just too tired.

But i kinda of like this feeling :)

cheers to the coming exams andiamsoscrewed!

2011-07-10T23:48:00.001+08:00

2011-06-05T21:17:00.006+08:00

:) this wkend has been a fulfiling week meeting friends and listening to sermons.

today's sermon is on ezekiel 5,
it said of how God got angry.
i love how pastor siowhwee described that when we were asked to count to ten to simmer down, God had already counted a millon times.
God has the right to get angry,
it was a convenant made in Deuteronomy that people will suffer if we turn away from him.
and it does not mean God is not compassionate.
we were the ones who broke the rules.

operant conditioning?? hmm. hahas.

I dont think i will ever understand the horrors of mothers eating their children and vice versa
And it got me thinking, that everytime when we had holy communion,
aint we drinking Jesus's blood and eating his flesh? it's a form of cannibalism too isnt it?

how great is God's love, that he is willingto sacrifice his only son to fill our bottomless pit of sin and hunger.

btwn,i have been extremely unsucessful in having a healthy diet and to exercise.
I FEEL FAT!!

2011-04-09T10:20:00.001+08:00

What's the biggest nation in this world? procrasti- nation gd one kenneth!

2011-04-03T19:59:00.005+08:00

Is man given the ability to manage his/her own emotions? I feel that I am the slave instead of the master to my feelings. The reason may be due to pms, the current job which i felt that it's lousy, lonely times, the need to study for subpapers... i can come up with so many reasons to be unhappy and none for me to smile. It''s the LENT period. Come on! Cheer up. Jesus has been through so many millions more unhappiness and suffering. And where I am now, I have asked God for it. Maybe I should let him just work out my life for me, at least for this time.

Reflection for 1st sunday of Lent

2011-03-13T16:00:00.024+08:00

Expect the Unexpected!
i'd always expect things to turn out a certain way,
but by God's grace, it always turn out better!
down to life's simplest or most common matters.

And it has always been the case for sun church time.

What inspired me today?

[********] >> this is a cup which illustrates our heart
.[@@@]......... it's supposed to be empty

..[$$]............ for it to be filled with God's love, grace and word

...[%]............. For people now it is only filled with earthly junkies

Let's slowly empty it and allow God to fill it with water :)

And for YA sharing today, it's indeed true that Christians often use an Defensive approach when being questioned about faith.

For me, most probably i'll fall into e same catergory when prompted too.

but my first answer will be nah, I dON't KnOw! how can you ask me who have only lived on the earth for 2o yrs plus to explain a thousand yr old belief!

i'll recommend u my pastor mayb??

this is not the correct attitude of coz.

but today sharing was really insightful.

i'll start my new job 2ml.

looking foward yet not looking forward. lol!

2011-03-09T11:39:00.008+08:00

today is Ash Wednesday.
i kind of look foward to this period every year coz it is when i feel the closest to God :)
the time accumulated to fast on earthly stuff and unkickable habits always allow me to
study more and pray more.
and be able to reflect on my present state of life.

Last year i felt really terrible,
i was complacent on my job, i feel that my life is being wasted every single day i go to work.
i actually woke up suddenly one night and thought "why must we work''
for the sake of working?
it was like a relevation to me.
the kind of empitness i felt is not justifiable by words.
i literally feels like an empty shell; soul and brain dugged out.

So for my 22nd bdae, i am determined to make changes to my life.
at least for my career which i am in control of.
i do not have a good qualifications, so for career i must do a good head start in my life.

God has been graceful to me by letting me pass my first module,
and to be able to find another job so quickly.

and hopefully the direction i am heading in my life,
will be the one that is everlasting.
and that my new job will allow me to help the community too.

Thank you, Lord, for the ways your Word has taught me, guided me, protected me, delivered me, encourage me and given me hope.

2011-01-22T19:08:00.001+08:00

Praise the Lord!
that I'd managed to pass my first module Human Biology despite me failing miserably for my assignment and not doing well for the papers.
It must be God's doing, maybe he saw my hard work.
I had 0 confidence of passing the papers.

My final exam for my 2nd module is in 5 days times.
Jiayou Hui Ting! :)

I am goin to tender soon. And i missing my colleagues alr :(

2010-11-14T14:17:00.004+08:00

yesterday was a super devasting day.
i checked on my assignment results and found out that i scored 6/100.
i'd written out of topic.

was upset because the past two years i've been working to save up for studies,
the past two mths i'd not exercised or do things i like just to study.
And the outcome is to get a F for my assignment.

it's true that the harder you work the greater the disappointment.

it totally spoilt my studyin mood.
i'd no more motivation to study for my exams counting down in 3 days time.

but then i was reminded of the days when i was working and looking forward to study.
and i made a note to myself that no matter how tough it becomes,
it will always be better than im not studyin.

And i've enjoyed the process so far,
studyin all the interesting biology,
making new friends,
giving my best for my assignment.

the thing i've not enjoyed is the results.

but that''s ok.
becoz what i can control is my attitude and my effort,
not the outcome.

afterall, this is only the beginning.

2010-09-17T21:47:00.001+08:00

everything is according to schedule :)

2010-08-15T23:08:00.001+08:00

i like sundays! :)

the peace given can calm my frustration i felt for the entire week,
and give me strenght to live the next.

how amazing

2010-07-19T22:02:00.001+08:00

Be comforters
Not comfortable

2010-07-17T22:08:00.004+08:00

each time after a talk with my supervisors,
i really feel like giving the job up.

Do you really understand?
The stress we are under,
the amount of work we need to cover.

you don't.
coz you are not the one suffering.

all the empty promise,
I am sick of hearing it.

each week i am constantly covering other people job.
i am so tired of it.

it's the nice colleagues I am holding out for.
it's all the talk and complains to my family members,
that after the let out
i feel that i can still do the job.

So if you are goin to throw me one more shitty workload,
that's it.
i may raise the white flag.

2010-07-14T23:21:00.005+08:00

i feels like i am a bitter person.
esp at work.

i told my colleague A that i am not helping colleague B to clear her work,
becoz B is just so slack,
A just sort of told me B tried her best.
I should be more open-minded.

to me, B just lacks the sense of urgency.
if that's the case, i shouldnt be bothered at the piling workload.
but I AM,
becoz i will be the one ku-oin sia/shit when she goes on leave this fri.
and start coverin other ppl next wk onwards.

i am hating work becoz i am not getting my counter allowance.
i am hating work becoz of other ppl's laziness.
i am hating work becoz supervisors dont appreciate the hard work.

2010-07-03T15:30:00.001+08:00

this is one of the weeks that i hope it will not repeat itself again.

2010-06-26T12:58:00.001+08:00

( - . - )

2010-06-16T22:53:00.002+08:00

ok. one of my prayers have not been answered.i've been praying faithfully since the start of the week.maybe it is not fervent or heartfelt enough.maybe (God knows) i prayed for the wrong purpose.maybe the words or methods are incorrect.but it hasnt been answered.i am not taken aback.because it make me realised that all along, i might not have been really praying but just going through a routine. i'll persevere!

2010-06-13T15:58:00.005+08:00

.
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existence
that's what i am here
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.
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that's about what i am all really about

2010-06-10T23:44:00.010+08:00

sometimes i wonder why we are born so differently.

i went out with best buddy colleague today and found out a very sad truth.
my heart ached for her at the instance when she told me.
i'd never expected that.

we are so similar.
For her, complete yet incomplete,
For me, incomplete yet complete.

different environment, different circumstances,
but same problems, same spirit.
Am i to say that we took the challenges on our stride,
or that we simply resigned to fate.

we can't change the reality.
and we accepted what we are in for.
just going with the flow of a less ordinary life.

i am so glad she shared with me,
it means she think i can be trusted
and i made myself a dear friend :)

i told her what i gotten out of all these is that to work hard for what you want.
and not to depend on others.

but i didnt tell her since i'd decided to do that, to do what I like,
I haven got much other in life;
Strong faith,
joy,
love,
soulmate,
real friendship...

nothing seems real.
only to be a loner, not to be emotionally attached to worldly stuffs,
to depend on yourself is the real thing.

a voice tells me that at the end of the road,
you'll see why is everything planned in this way.
and that kept me goin.

unfairness? there's no such word in the people's dictionary.
we are all selfish people.

poem by my another colleague
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Out of my five fingers
The middle one is for you.

Just for Laughter!

2010-06-09T22:45:00.003+08:00

i am now looking through photos on my facebook.
=) hiaz.. it is bringing back all the beautiful memories.

i am surprised at how many photos i'd taken during the numerous events,
because I dont really like taking photos,
and most of the events are ones that I really enjoyed!

i suddenly have this thought that if I am very angry with a friend,
by looking through the facebook pictures,
i think i will be able to forget all the anger! :)

such were those times!

2010-06-08T16:55:00.006+08:00

Since 7pm yesterday, my life has really been a let-go :)
7pm - 9pm dinner at Mad for Garlics
9pm - 11pm Went for a ride
11pm - 2am K Box
2am - 08:30am Slept
08:30am - 10am misc stuff
10 - 11am - breakfast @ hans
12-2pm Watched Prince of Persia :)
2 - 4pm @ Ziyi's hse
06:30pm later - Go gyming!

Since working, I'd never really enjoyed myself till wee mornin just to play!
I often watched movies that encourage me to live with passion or not to get stuck with what everyone elses is doing, just be yourself.

and ydae till now, i enjoyed doing every single thing i did.
although at the expense many things like $ and causing my mom & sis her sleep i apologises!
yesterday night was truely a night to rmb.

i cant do what I enjoy for life.
but a temporary escape once in awhile is really a pleasure!

i confess I am quite a loner.
dont really like to build or maintain r/s with others becoz i just find it hard trying to think of topic to converse.
or you can say I am lazy.
but some friends are different.
some friends dont make u feel uncomfortable.
although u meet them just once in a blue moon,
you enjoy that kind of close friendship with them.

and that applys to my group of friend i met yesterday,
that applys to few of my colleagues at work
that applys to jess, mag and some others.
i just wish to have this kind of special friend in church :P

This life is not for the body, it's for the soul.
And man too often chooses the way of life that best suits the body, not the soul.

just when i immerse myself and enjoy in the many activites i did ydae.
i saw this phrases.

opps Lord, just this once!
i'll be the me the robot once today is over.

2010-06-03T22:40:00.007+08:00

i still get irritated serving public
i still get irritated by answering calls not of my scope
i still talk loudly
i still eat alot, at the counter
i still walk around with slippers or barefoot
i still behave too lax in work as if workisfunandfunisthereforework
i still cant change all my bad habits.
i am still as selfish as ever.

if a leopard cant change its spots, then im a leopard.
i will prefer to be a leopard,
so i need to be concern about all the above

if i cant change my bad habits.
i think it's sooner then later my character will offend people like seriously
den i might get sacked or isolated at one corner

: (

i know the reason why i am.........

it's becoz i cant change.

2010-05-30T16:10:00.005+08:00

Here's my results for Sundown Woman 10km
Rank 49 out of 4264
time: 00:55:52
0km - 5km: 00:27:44

my fastest timing for the three races i've ran so far:)
quite proud of myself coz i had a bad stomach + back ache an hour before the race.

lesson learnt:
never drink at least two days before the race.
my stomach was churning while im running!!
and i am really thankful to the lady who provided me with tissues paper so i can let it all out!
it's one gd example of God's providence, Uncle daniel's topic today! :P

i seriously doubt i can complete 21km in dec,
becoz by den i'll start studying.
and my Amore membership would have ended.

although this race i did not do any specific trainin,
but to attend stretchin class like Pilates and Yoga after work,
to strenghtened and provide relief for my backache.
i guessed it helps to maintain my stamina too.

i LOVE running:)

2010-05-26T23:38:00.015+08:00

there's a virus going round my office and making everyone sick.
me the strong one has been holding out the fort for three consecutive days.
although it's managable (barely), i am discontented that it disrupted my trainin schedule and physical ability to train for the upcomin's Sundown 10k marathon on sat.

SO i decided.
it's my turn NOT to work.

AND i took half day off to run @ bedok reservoir tml.
please let it NOT rain God.
if not my wk can sum up to one word - disappointment :(

after the three days workwk which felt like five days,
I managed to chillout!with my new twin sister Durka @ near PS today.
as usual, i cant rmb the name of the shop,
but i rmb our conversation :P

we talked on the same old topics on life,love,past and faith.

what am i really waiting for?
Godwinks, God signpost, God providence...?
i'd never really been inspired in my life.
just waiting.
kept on waiting.
i dont mind waiting.
but am i waiting at the correct place?
or for the correct thing?

the thing is, i never felt connected before.

faith is like moles on my face,
it defines me,
But i never really bothered about it,
coz i cant see it.

maybe i hasnt tried hard enough to notice it.
sigh~

it has always been the same qns.
and no ans is correct or incorrect.

what am i really waiting for?

i am waiting for a reassurance
that i shouldnt be waiting for if im strong enough.
but i guess i am not.
and it might not even come.
but it will not be fruitless,
coz process matters more than results.

Can you wink just once, in my life?

2010-03-29T00:23:00.002+08:00

OMG! it's less than 3 days to mission trip
which means i shall waste no more time to fear and fret.
just do it, ya?

there's lots of things not prepared yet,
esp my heart...

so well well well, im determined to take leave on tue.

2010-03-14T19:47:00.005+08:00

In the tandem and humdrum of life,
it it so easy to forget who you really want to be.

Thank God for the RSVP event and friends's wedding cum movie that I've kept myself busy with over the weekend.
Though I am tired, I am refreshed.

I am reminded of God's love.
I am immersed in a sea of happiness and joy.
Having personal time to worship and reflect,
having take time to laugh,
I miss the old me in secondary school where smiles come so easily.

I hope this urge to be joyful always will not be forgotten easily when work start tml.
And i will constantly take time to laugh and be thankful.

counting down 17 days to mission trip.
i am nervous!
I seriously need to start preparing my heart for it.

2010-01-31T19:18:00.005+08:00

theres so many things going through my mind right now,
i dont know which one to gives priority to.
and my body is in pain for four days already,
sometimes bearable but more than not, often it's unbearable.
what's happening? feels like it's breakin down.

THERE"S A GOOD NEWS THOUGH.
one special event to be excited about and give thanks to!
MISSION TRIP IN APRIL!
such a nice way to kick start my adulthood! :)

2010-01-23T10:47:00.007+08:00

im snappin at everyone at work becoz of the so-much-talked-about changes comin this feb workplan.
it makes me tired, it makes me sad :(
and, im just thankful that no one really gets offended by my sacaristic jokes at times.

it's not that im resisting changes,
but i see no point of the changing just for the sake of changing.

im not convinced that we need THOSE changes.
my workplace enforces justice for ppl, but doesnt even hear the staff voices.
How ironic? How justice-fiable?

I tried to fight my way through. Voiced out my opinons.
Succeeded in doin that.
But gotten more depressed.
Why? many reasons but none were my own.
It just makes me wonder why ppl succumb to their fate so easily.
Or am i not flexible enough.

How can oneself serve the other ppl if it's not their interest?
we are not objects, we shouldnt get dispense around like this.

Are all my efforts worthwhile?
this time - yes mayb.
but im calling it a day.

enough of a fight that creates more fights.
i shall leave everything else in God's hand.

at least, the outcome might be different
- becoz i tried.

2010-01-01T14:39:00.006+08:00

it's 2010!

the first day of a new year is often relate to as a new start.
but I am just thankful that it's a PH!

a time for rest, a time to be thankful, a time to store God's blessing,
a time to be alone and enjoy the company of loved ones.
and a time for waking up late! :P

anyday could have been this day,
but I am thankful that I'd kicked start 1st Jan 2010 with praises, prayers and songs of worship,
Coz God is the reason for joy in my Life :)

2010 may be a more significant year for me.
as i'll be turning to the age of a young adult,
have got an urge to live a more purposeful life.

i will like to...
contiune my studies this year, go for a mission trip, overcome all my weakness.
but there will be no new year resolutions, because i never keep track of them.
no self promise of living best out of every moments because it's just too tiring.
but to be able to make important decision in my life that pleases the Lord.

Have a blessed year ahead everyone!

2009-12-24T08:51:00.000+08:00

wish all of you one day in advance...

merry xmas!!:) and happy bdae Jesus!!

2009-12-05T20:12:00.004+08:00

:)

first week without theng passed, the first four days felt like hell.
moody swinged and i didnt bother controlling my emotions becoz there wasnt enough time and energy to do it.
friends whom i met randomly commented that i looked like zombie

den i took half day off to watch twilight and my week changed for the better:)
watching hot bodied Jacob definitely helps! thank you.
more imptly, i managed to relieve my stress and worries on the workload.
to feel back on earth watching a love triangle.
And hence friday work was better.
so i treated everyone better.

i felt bad towards everyone because of my bad attitude.
Thanks everyone for the tolerance, understanding and acceptance for who i am.
i'll try to control more too la.

the week was made perfect by GG team unexpected win in the amazing race!:)
Thank God for the week that started badly but ended nice!
cheers:D

2009-11-27T00:33:00.004+08:00

Today's dinner marks the start of the test of survival for the coming week and a month.
i had a nervous whack a few weeks back and that hasnt helped me to be prepared at all.

i shall rmb;
to smile and laugh more because it is the music for the soul.
Do not worry about the future because it upsets the present,
and I CAN DO IT!

i may grow up,
i may break down.
you'll know in a month's time.

Good bye sweet december.

2009-11-17T23:11:00.001+08:00

blah

2009-11-15T23:03:00.013+08:00

i just deleted what i wrote
because all the things i'd written, it is a form of release to lessen my guilt for the week,
by admitting my wrongs.

Aint it meaningless for people to know how you feel, through blog?
i am a people person. but i cant communicate well.

i find it unneccessary to torture my few readers with the negativity of my materials every wk.

to tell people how i feel, my constant yearning for character improvements, the disappointments i always feel throughout the week, days and minutes. the silent anger i revealed to my closest one when things dont go my way and i have never really find out a way to deal with it.

What's wrong with me? :(
im complaining yet again. I apologise and i hope this post will be the last of it.

i thank God for my friends but i dont mind being a loner.
i thank God for my faith which im ashamed of to keep it all for myself, and never shared it.
And i thank God for my family which i'd never showed appreciation to.

it's fun discussing childhood.
we ( + my mom & sis) shared it on our way home after dinner on sat night.

i dont rmb most of the things that they have said.
like fighting alot with my brother.
i only rmb the physical actions that may have contributed to my rowdy character
i rmb bits and pieces of secondary school life which im not proud of.
but thinking back, i am glad that how my family has grown.

the kids have grown up but the mom has not grown old.
the family is in harmony, although not as closed i wanted it to be,
but at least we are not fighting anymore.
we are not rich, but we are well provided for.

the only lacking in my life now is to find a purpose for it.
i often admire people that can go through uni w/o worrying abt the sch fees.
maybe it's God's way for me to stop and think what i really want.
den to take the first step by pursing a degree in it.

for this, i thank Ivan for his teaching today.
because it reminds me of what is important.
not to get upset anymore when people use study as an execuse to get priority.
because it's not that i dont want to study, but not yet.
to channel all the unhappiness and anger to find what God really has instore for me is the right way to use my energy:P

i love my family:D

2009-11-08T14:28:00.000+08:00

blah

2009-11-01T16:00:00.007+08:00

i have always like to include positivity in what i writes
but each time the words or speech formed up, it's all downbeat.

the reason may be that at this stage of life,
at the age of twenty, i constantly find myself admiring my peers who are studying,
whilst im working.

Reformation.
The speaker talks about reformation today.
The speaker told us this group of Singapore students to reform today.
because at this age, it is the best of times!

judging from the audience's responsiveness,
the words are unlikely to have cause any impact.
i can see that the speaker is slightly disappointed.
but isn't inactive reaction foreseeable?

how can us, this group of passionionless young people,
who are cluessless about what we want in life,
or have no drive nor the guts to pursue the uncommon,
to change anything in the first place.

and at what cost?
unhappiness in the family, no security, no assurance and loneliness.
how much are we willing to give up?

the education system is so systematic that,
it means nothing is out of place.
singapore is so secure such that,
everyone has food, shelther, clothes and the basic needs provided.

so do we have enough reason to create a discontent,
that will lead to a reformation?

we are comfortable aint we?
although our inner self wants so much more.

2009-10-31T20:28:00.002+08:00

i do not wish to comment about my work,
becoz it would be all the unpleasant stuff.

i can only say im enjoying the time relaxing now!:)
Thank God for the weekend.
i feel alive again!!

2009-10-25T18:08:00.007+08:00

this week has been a "promising" week.
i've promised to join esss netball alumni team.
i've promised to join subcourts sports committee,
and is in-charged of the jogging day.

i don't know why i've promised to do all these stuff.
it's a half hearted decision.

because it's related with sports?
because sports can ease my stress and boredom?
because i want to burn myself out along with the accumulating fats?
because i've the time and can afford to?

i like singing and listening to christian songs,
because it reminds us of who we are really are.
we are God's child.
although none of my daily actions speaks so.
but it gives me comfort and encouragement,
to keep moving forward and slowing gearing towards him.

looking at my to-do list on the top right hand corner,
nothing has been fully accomplished so far.

instead, it changed such that if i get to go to universal studio for my no.1,
i will be contended.
hone my percussion skills - X
live a more healthy lifestyle - im exercising more now, but it doesnt mean healthier
cultivate perservance and Love God more -still remains the same as before.

sometimes i wonder why i even plan?
none of the goals have been kept.

all the time i wonder why i am me?
if i cant accept for who i am, how do the others accept me?

so im using the YA way,
to plan things out slowly,
and implement the changes one at a time.
so i hope the YA can do so too.
don't stop there.

it's hard to plan and kept moving forward.
it's hard to change.
but becoz it's hard, the difference will makes it all worthwhile.

2009-10-09T22:12:00.003+08:00

next week will be a nervous period
as there'll be a slight change in the workflow,
i'll be leaving my comfortable workzone of doing orders of court,
and focus into summons.

today i see the need of learning more.
There are urgent matters that needs to be expedite,
but becoz my two mentors are not around, im unable to help.

my mentor must have been disappointed with my lack of competency:(

2009-10-02T22:12:00.013+08:00

random thought of the week:
rain is colourful! & !joyfuL!

oh why?

those who know me well,
will know that rain means a great deal to me!
everytime im sad (seldom!), raindrops will fall from the sky!
without fail!

and each time,
i'll go for a jog, with tears beads rolling down my cheeks,
but no one will notice because it sneaks in like the rain!

rain is like a God-sent gift to comfort me,
and it work wonders in lifting me from my grief!

but from now onwards, if there's a happy occasion, i shall run if it rains!
becoz it's a joyous thing to do!
and mayb i will really get to see colourful rain!

it's five days since i've joined amore fitness.
three days i've been to the gym.
but only one day that i've sweated.

i guess im more to intensive exercise.
and the classes available is not challenging enough for me!
but i shall perserve!
and take it as a chance to rest my knees well.
i shall start trainin for my nike race once my knee stops hurting:)

Upcoming events for the week...
i don't want to think about it!
im tired.

2009-09-24T23:21:00.010+08:00

I find out today that, You can control emotions but not tiredness.

Towards the end of work today, my body just functioned without my brain working.
Thanks to my unhelpful mentor, who glee-d and proudly proclaimed that her work was done,
when it was not, and did not offer me help when I lamented that mine was accumulating due to public and phone interferences.

I can choose to get angry like previous enounter,
but instead I stayed back to complete my work.
Because after working five months there, more or less you know one’s character.

If you do what you've always done, you'll be what you'll always been.
And if you get angry at one person a 2nd time for the same reason,
it shows that you did not learn.

Family Court is a fantastic training field to practice self (emotions) control and anger management:)
which im in need of , and im goin to make gd use of it:)

thank you my sis for listening to my grumbles!:)
it helped!

2009-09-20T16:19:00.005+08:00

Boo, it has been a not-so-nice weekend.

Isn't it funny that simple gestures from mere friends or strangers can touch your heart and make your day?
Whereas people whom have been there through your entire life never really understood your habits, character and feelings.

When I ask people what’s their first impression of me? They say I am independent.
Indeed, I am. Too independent that when I have troubles there isn’t people that I can turn to and confide in.

2009-09-19T11:34:00.002+08:00

It’s odd how that how answers from questions that intrigued us significantly are lost over such a short period of time.

I remembered it was only last year that we covered sermons on Christ death and resurrection, the Cross and many other topics that are relevant in evangelising and strengthening personal faith. However, when I was posted those exact same questions again, I’m loss for words. What was the concluded stand that I’ve made? I remember distinctly that I am satisfied with the final answers I’ve settled on but the answers do not come back confidently now.

I am :( that I have forgotten the process. :( that I’ve placed my focus wrongly by enjoying the feeling of debating and not remembering the end result. I am apologetic towards those who have spoon-fed me but I’m still as undernourished as ever.

Yesterday work was busy yet mundane. Was about to OT but glad that I need not, because cell group sharing yesterday was fruitful and refreshing! Each time without fail I will doze off during sharing. And I’ve expected more of it yesterday because I was mentally drained from work. However, I did not!

We covered questions on SIN. I have gotten irritated a few times by how they have placed the wrong focus on bible passages (E.g. because Adam and Eve broke God’s COMMAND, hence they sinned. Should they focus on the deed itself because it’s the original sin? God gave a lot of other commands e.g. the twelve commandments.) Or how they take biased stand towards God. Standard answers was for us to evangelise when I questions them on similar topics such as whether those who have yet to know Christ when they die are considered sinners because they have not but accept Christ. I was interested to find out what the adults’ answers are although I knew it myself. As a Christian, I can accept their “standard” answers but I know it will not convince the rest.

However, I am still thankful for the sharing yesterday because it reaffirms my understanding that our relationship with Christ is what is important. Thank God that I’m a Christian! I know that God will make the rightful judgement when the day comes. How do I know? Because I believe

I believe, to understand. Not understand, to believe.

Religion and faith is not like science, physics or mathematics whereby there is a definite way of yielding correct results through logic or systemic approach. It is like a traditional marriage, whereby the vows is to “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Except that death will reunites us with God, in Heaven.

Faith will not be smooth sailing, only to make us stronger with every obstacle we overcome together. Faith will not lead us to answers, but questions, questions and more questions. The deeper we go, the more difficult and darker it becomes, but there’ll be light at the end of the tunnel.And more importantly, it is meant to last.

In modern world, Religion is just like many trees in a forest, too many choices to choose from. Hope you pick the right seedling, take time and effort to groom it. Only then you will enjoy the fruits and its shelter in time to come. Don’t discard the seedling because it’s too difficult to grow or yield no result yet. Others may look easier, but the end result differs!

2009-09-12T22:47:00.001+08:00

I already know what and where i'll be celebrating my next bdae!!
My mom has promised a trip to Universal Studio Sentosa!!
Wohoots!

Im so goin to... UNIVERSAL STUDIO!!!
pls be ready by then.

happy bdae to my dearst mom!

2009-09-10T22:31:00.007+08:00

this post is dedicated to my dearest mummy!
happy happy bdae!

many thoughts are running through my mind now.
there aint enough time to capture it all.
and the exact same thoughts will not run through the brain twice.

so i took a deep breath in,
gathered my thoughts.
There are only few words to describe it all.
"My mom is simply great!"

I feels that e 2nd most blessed thing on earth is to be my mom's child!
(1st blessed is be God's child)

well... it's fortunate for me and unfortunate for her.

i dont know why;
i can be tolerant towards others but easily irritated at her.
i can spend much time with my frenz but only a few hrs a wk with her.
she prepares my b/f, washes my clothes and waits for me to be home each night before turnin in.
but not a word of thanks from me each day.
not a word of love.

i tink as a daughter i have taken her for granted.
this is not the moment of truth as I have realised it long time ago.
it's in my character that im impatient, rude and uncaring.
my attitude is bad and heart is unfeeling, i know it well.
and i have not hide it infront of my family members.
as home is not a place to be pretentious.
hence, they become my victims, esp my mom.

it's tough to be my mother.
raising us up single-handedly.
yet for now, i can only show my gratefulness by giving a meagre amount of allowance each month.

Mom, i hope to do better in the future!
future studies, get a better job and bring you overseas each yr!
it's time to enjoy life!:)
hmmm.. but this might be a few yrs later.

so for now, i can only wish u a happy blessed bdae!:)

oh ya. i ran my first ten km last sun.
wasnt my best as i couldnt feel my muscles working.
looking forward to more races to come!
58:22

2009-09-05T15:25:00.004+08:00

This week has been a rather fast, unfruitful & uncomfortable week.
I only rmb taking mc and resting at home on wed.
And here I am now, blogging on Saturday.

Due to my blocked nose, I find it hard to breathe throughout the week.
which resulted in me NOT exercising
(due to the burning of the incense too, it's hard to run outdoors),
And I ate more than usual because it's intriguing just to be able to taste food differently due to my lack of smell.
I ate lots of food which i dislike, e.g vegeterian.
Thus, explained my bulging tummy.

I feel like entering the pre-menopause stage,
because the food intake does not burn as fast and as much as it's been before.
But surprisingly, my appetite increased.
For lunch today, I finish a whole set of subway sandwich within ten mins.
Feeling slightly contented because I could eat more.

It's time to control my diet!!!

But let it start tomorrow.
My first 10k mini marathon shall mark my new beginning of self control & self training.
I am not doing muay thai anymore.
Hopefully, I can still maintain the intensity of training on my own.

cheers:)

Only accomplishment of the week: finish reading Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons

2009-09-02T12:28:00.002+08:00

Song of the Day - Worthy is the Lamb

Thank you for the cross, Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love, Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious

High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

Took my first paid mc today.
Love to sing the song out loud but my sore throat forbids so.
so im hymnin the song in my heart:)

2009-08-29T12:20:00.002+08:00

The past few days I’ve been reminiscing about the past and thinking how different the present will be if I’ve taken another direction. It was regret that I’ve never taken studies seriously. Since young, sports were the only aspect that I’ve committed and give my all in. For Studies, my mom was always the decision maker.

Now that I’m working, I kind of miss studying. I missed exams. I tried to surmount this urge by reading but failed terribly as reading was never my habit since young.

Time has standstill. I’m like a rock, never forward moving or falling back, just collecting moss. And recently, I just find doing sports so meaningless. What’s the purpose of it? In the past, it was for the glory of the school. What’s now? Self- actualization? I only find my motivation wearing thin. This is a painful struggle, because for the past thirteen years I’ve been doing it, from Chinese dance, netball, cheerleading to the now muay thai. Sports have occupied a major part of my life; become my daily routine that is hard to break away from. But recently, I just don’t enjoy doing it anymore.

Is this part of growing up phase? I am thrown into this confusion state because things that I’ve neglected in the past suddenly seems important to me. And things I’ve worked hard for, I feel like I can give it all up now.

The only comfort I can find is in Lord, because he will never change. Although my love for him has been a quiet one, I appreciate this kind of arrangement. No one can ever fathom the amount of support I find in him, that he has kept me from straying many times. I am good now because of him.

I’ll try and revive my blog by writing once weekly. Not for the sake of others, but myself. I doubt any but one or two may read my blog, but it's just to brush up my writing skills!

2009-08-28T21:55:00.001+08:00

blah

2009-08-27T21:36:00.014+08:00

Today i finally fulfilled my promise to Mag to go around JBP with her:)
it was a day well spent! And I thank God for it!

The irony is that I thank God for my present job which gives me financial security and fixed working days & hours so that I can plan my activites after work.
But there's this part of my body that makes me misses JBP so much and wants to go back to work! The birds, the nature working environment, the ppl - esp. my eye candies and sisters!
Walking through the SEA aviary, going for the Ostrich & WFA talk, looking at the guys doing up the flamingo lake, my sadness just built up.

I suddenly detest my current lifestyle. What am I doing in the Family Registry handling divorce matters whereby no one day has passed with me feeling happy working there? I pity the lawyers and at the same time am touched by their gentleness in handling clients who are really in need of this divorce. I am also irritated upon seeing old married couples breaking up, the husband wanting a younger chi wife n wife fighting over his CPF. Or ignorant fools wanting to get things done fast without understanding the need to go through standard rules & procedures. There are many other situations that made me very pissed off.

And though I’ve only worked there for four mths, my character has begin to deteriorate. For instance, I realised that today I’ve cut off Mag a few times while she’s conversing with me, because of the bad phone etiquette I’ve picked up. The friends I mixed around with now, I feel that they are so superficial or shallow with life matters. I tried hard to blend with them, often finding myself complying them with a false front.

There are many time that I've wanted to quit Muay Thai too, but the prospect of getting a fit body and being able to release my stress of work keeps me going. However, as i looked in the mirror today, I am disgusted with how my body turns out. But I do not want to stop, for fear of getting fat.

At this moment, I am finding comfort in listening to Christian songs.

If i could turn back time, I would have take vet science in poly, hopefully will be working in the hospital with Mag now, enjoying working with God's creation - the nature & the birds.

Didn't take much pictures because of the rain today, didnt managed to upload the photos because of facebk technical errors. didnt managed to shake off my feeling of being homesicked for JBP.

I used to blame my mom of depriving me the chance of going Overseas SIP because of some miscommunication. Well, it turned out to be a beautiful chapter in my life, being able to work in JBP, and I thank God & my mom for it!

But what am i to do now? My inital idea of pursuing law as my degree is diminishing. But without an idea of what to study, i feel so lost! Studies may be the only thing now which can gives me a more purposeful life, besides God. Am i too live my life like this, feeling emotionally, mentally and physically drained each day till i find my direction? :(

My only aim for tomorrow is to complete a 10km run around my gym,
coz i really like running.
I am panting, i am sweating, my heart is beating.
Sometimes I am amazed at the distance I can go.
It makes me feel that I am alive!
I am really alive!

2009-08-23T23:45:00.004+08:00

the starting line always seems ahead of us,
no matter how far we've tried to move towards it.

will it make a difference?
seems like we've been though this before,
this time round, the prospect looks more hopeful.

will i make a difference?
i don't where my courage lies.
but i'll try.

REFORMATION.
is it neccessary because there's always constant changes?
are we doing for the sake of doing so?
or afraid of extinction?

as my workplace has proven it,
i find the quartely feedback session a waste of time.
A standard routine with MORE WORDS than ACTIONS.
this has always been the case.
we give suggestions,
but we are too used to our comfort zone to want to change it.

and when things are being implemented,
people grumble because of the need to change.

the usual Singaporean style,
we will nudge alittle forward with alot of pushing by fellow peers who are in-charged of the "plans"
Poor fellows, aint they?

Still, i do see a need.

2009-08-22T16:25:00.003+08:00

My body & mind is exhausted from the week's activites.

At work, it has been like living in a dungeon, cold and quiet with the absence of a few colleagues whom were given 3 days MC. ( I abhor the docs who did that!)
This is no difference like a sheep being thrown in the wild and unprotected from wolves. Im am similar, just that at mercy of the endless amount of work items, phone enquiries, lawyer's requests and unreasonable demands of the public. My only escape has been to the gym to sweat out my stress! which pushed my body to a point of exhaustion as im deprived of proper sleep.

This, im guilty of not doing other things like reading, practicing percussion beats, spending time with family and doing proper QT. i am loaded with other worries such as being ambivalence of choosing an area to further studies on.

Although this week has started badly, has been bad, it ended on a happy note because I get to meet up with my fun and crazy cheer mates ydea! I really appreciate our time together!

Hopefully next week will be a better week. It better be, coz i don't want to go through the same shit twice. It will be a better week, because I might meet up with Mag! to go JBP:)

2009-06-27T23:09:00.003+08:00

this week i have indulged in too much earthly delights,
by going for muay thai four days in a row.
i know the sport is not for me; its cultural and its violence.
but i've already sunk into a deep pit.

i enjoy the friendship i've made there,
and the aches i feel from my muscles after training.
i even convince myself that it's the right way for me to destress from work.
it's like a falling-in-love feeling, just that it's with the gym fightworks.

but for this week onwards, im goin to restrict myself from goin too many times.
hopefully i wldnt get a empty feeling or even be depressed about it.

I look forward to church retreat:)

2009-06-16T23:57:00.006+08:00

this week is the super-no-muaythai@fightworksweek and im sad:(
my week is packed so full that i begin to miss the gym, home, my mummy and the bed.
which means im getting fat by not exercising, spending more money and making myself more tired.
but mayb this is how life@20 should be:D

i was reading my brother's blog and was inspired to blog this post.

Shouldn't Christians behave generously and love abundantly?

i love to, but sometimes our kind intentions are mistaken for other things.
esp. if the guy think it's otherwise.
im so afraid to meet with this kind of situation.
i can only say that i cant fathom guys thinking at all times.

im not gd with love,be it towards family, frenz or lover.
Only towards God, that I can express my thoughts freely.

and recently i always have this thinking that it's gd to stay single forever.
be free and independent!
itmay be that sometimes im disgust with myself,
im not confused, i just want to be selfish and lead my own life as i please

but who knows the future?
i will not seek,
i will only leave it in God's hand.

2009-05-30T10:21:00.007+08:00

im supposed to be attending a course organized by my company now.
but im not!
im rocking along with Green Day music.
im blogging.
im chatting.
hahas.
Enjoying my morning time:D

i'd been sick for over a wk.
ydae i coughed e whole night till i felt like dying.
but i deserve it.
coz i still allow myself to indulge in cold and fried stuffs.
and goin exercise.
all these are against doctor's advice:P

but who care?
life is for you to enjoy.
not to mention that you need to handle stress at work.
so why restrict yourself over heavenly goodies yummies.
hahas.

Getting pay soon!
GSS here i come!

im :D with my life now!
muay thai rocks.
just that i need to get stronger!
im just too weak in muscles n in techique

2009-05-17T23:03:00.004+08:00

What I can say about my life now...
is that it's BUSY!!!

i made it busy....
by committing most of my time into work and muay thai.

im loving it!
and the only thing i want to change is my diet!

im eating far too much than normal meals...
and no matter how much exercise i do
it wld not justify e rate im eating.

and i wish that i will get more sleep too,
and the time to read.

So far, Life has been GoOd!
Thank God!

2009-05-03T00:15:00.006+08:00

Just some updates :D

Tomorrow will be my third week of work at Family Court!
loving it. oh yahs!
Getting my first pay soon! And it will be mainly spent on:
> dental fees ( my tooth is hurting for e past 3 days)
> mother’s day dinner!
well.. i think that will burn a hole in my bank.
but it is sort of a necessity. wells....

so far work has been gd.
im blessed with gd colleagues
esp my mentor Rachel who has been very patient with me.
and i feel lousy disappointing her becoz i still couldn't get e whole pic yet.
but everything seems much clearly than when i first enter.
Not one day has been passed without me making a silly mistake although i tried to be careful.
and they said that they will give me one mth to learn e ropes!
i hope i can meet up e expectation!!!
coz i hate to disappointin nice ppl.

and guess what?
im learning muay thai now at fightworks. (quite ex)
had my first lesson which only last an hour.
and it leaves my muscles aching for 2 days!!!!!
thanks serene xueli for introducing me the sport...
coz i totally love the workout, e ppl and e envt.

everything is looking gd now!
and I thank God for it!!
Praise the Lord!!!

2009-04-22T23:28:00.002+08:00

all i can say abt my new job...

it's complicated.
Duno how to revise what i've learnt on that day coz my notes r way too messy.
im spending way too much $ on fd.
i like my colleagues.

ahz. getting fat and broke.

2009-04-19T23:56:00.008+08:00

it's been quite sometime since my last update...
but i dun tink anyone will be reading my blog except some faithful ones... like my sister.
well... hopefully:P
but even there are no readers, i kind of like bloggin down my thoughts:)
a way to be thankful for the past week or just to vent my frustrations.
hahas. more of the latter.

it feels like Good Friday has been only a day before.
i rmb blogging about bedok reservior.
Complaining about being jobless.
But guess what?
There's a dramatic turn since then.
i worked part time at teadot cafe at tampines one for nine days.
left the job to go for a full time.
so tml will be my first day at the subordinate court> family division> court officer.
in simple terms.. it is registration work.

i hope i don't see u thought.
it means u r getting a divorce!

i kind of look forward to my new job as serene xueli says that the ppl there are fun!
she has been working there for nearly a month now.
but i'll be goin to different dept.
well.. hope i enjoy the work there as much as her.
in other words, i look forward to loving the job!
and i know my first challenge will be trying to get my butt stick to the chair for the hours i worked there.
it will be my first job that requires no standing, i hope im up to it.

im super activeeeee!

On the other side,
im quite sad to leave teadot.
ppl there have been really nice,
which is my main reason i enjoyed the work there.
no conflicts or politics...
mayb not yet:O
and it's actually e first f&b job i feels tired working.
it's not easy being a dish washer!
my back just stiffened from only an hour of washing.
as for cashiering...
wottss.. at same point i felt that i ran out of saliva while recommending the drinks.

i appreciate teadot simplicity,
unlike other big companies which r more systematic with SOP and all..
which makes a gd first impression...
teadot on the other hand has the "inner beauty"
makes me feel like part of the family.
that i felt really guilty for leaving although i know they need help with the 2nd outlet which opens tml at Illuma Bugis.

but i know that for now, working office work is what i want.
i usually do what my heart desires.
so pls forgive me!
and thank you teadot for the wonderful experience and friendship!

Do visit Teadot Cafe at Tamp One Level 3 and Illuma Level 1 if u need a teabreak or nice cake!

2009-04-06T22:27:00.005+08:00

This week is the holy week.
I begun today by talking a walk around bedok reservior.
becoz I found out that I am too fat & lazy to run! hahas.

It was a nice way to start the week.
I walked up the hill, enjoying the breeze and God's creation.
like usual, i am greeted by the squirrels, lizards/chamelons?, black naped oriole and many other....
and guess what?
i saw White-Collared Kingfisher!!
yess.. at bedok reservior!!
it's hard to spot them at Jurong Birdpark SEA avairy.
And now that I saw it... it was definitely a pleasant surprise!

The kingfisher seems to know that I recognise him.
It followed me all the way down hill to the fishing bridge around.
Suddenly, it circled around me, with a distance of 2ms radius.
I was so enchanted that I fixed my eyes on it,
and spun one round on spot.
It seems like i was dancing with him!
i was breathlessly!!

afterwhich, it sat on a tree.
it is the first time that I heard its voice.
twsk, woo, woo, woo, woo ,woo.
hiaz. i can't really rmb it now.
its colour was not as bright as those in JBP.
its wings was husky navy blue.
Maybe it doesn't have enough nutrients! :P

Just as I was about to take a picture to show you guys, it flew away.

such a nice way to start the morning.
but the rest of my day was wasted watchin Detroit Metal City The Movie, youtubes,
trying to confirm on my job which took a bad turn ( tue trainin become wed).

Sometimes i think i am just down on my luck,
and find myself a pest pestering those job agencies to confirm my job.
I have been jobless and rotting away at home for nearly two mths now.

but today, i decided to take things slow this week, from this moment.
Becoz it was the holy week.
and that even the endangered Collar Kingfisher can survive!
why can't I?!

hahas. Thank God for the hope!

2009-04-02T22:42:00.004+08:00

Boys over Flowers has come to an end
i enjoyed every 25 eps of it....
and i look forward to season 2 next year feb!:D

haiz. one less way to waste my time
hope i really get a job soon!
jiayou huiting!!

my sister came back fr taiwan and bought me a ferrero rocca keychain
totally love it!

if u r readin this... sorry! i always quarrel with you but u still buy me nice things:P

2009-03-29T23:57:00.004+08:00

i'd been unhealthy all week.
Eat, Sleep, Watch Video.
That's pretty much about what I did last week.
Yes. I did not include exercise.
im so becomin fat!

Im quite determined to start being fit again by tml:)

and I really hope I get a job soon.

2009-03-26T21:20:00.002+08:00

my sis went to taiwan
i can hav e whole bed to myself!!!...
or is it a bad thing?

feels so empty w/o a job or a life.

2009-03-23T10:15:00.011+08:00

i feels like i am chasing after wind.
can't predict the directions, can't seems to grasp anything.

currently i am waiting for Laura Ashley to give me a job reply.
i gave up waiting for the govt-admin job which i have waited for nearly one mth,
although I am pretty sure that a definite reply will come soon.
but i just gave up waiting for the good pay and good experience job.
it was this sudden impulse that I wanted to do smthg more.
Admin work can come later in life.
Or was i wrong?

I am going to sign up for my SPA course later which my mom strongly disapproves of.
I don't think I am going to regret the decision like what she predicts or hopes for.
this course allows me to pick up a new skills, and more imptly boost my self image & confidence.
and i tink SPA has a market that has not reached its potential yet here in singapore,
as compared to culinary.

e adults will just keep saying that get a full time job although times are hard.
i duno & dun care.
i am just goin to follow my heart, experience new things and pick up new skills.
i am goin to give myself one year.
before i really get a full time or whatever seems to has prospect...
after i turn 21.

for now, it's just trying out period.

Congrats Blazers on getting 2nd runner-up!:D

2009-03-19T10:16:00.003+08:00

im slightly disenchanted, and tired of waiting of the same job reply.
maybe i should just take up any job and stop procrastinating!!
i've wasted one month.
both my patience, motivation and finanical resources are running low.

music is playing from my com.
Guess what?
it's COME,NOW IS THE TIME TO WORSHIP.
hope, just as you are to worship.
mayb i should sing along.

2009-03-17T23:52:00.010+08:00

I went to watch the Tales of Despereaux with my cousin today!
he wanted to watch Dragonballs but i've no idea why we watched the cartoon in the end.
i just love goin out with him on movie & ice-cream dates once in awhile...
taking my mind off my worldly worries on being jobless & getting fat :P

Reached home around 4pm and i had a deep afternoon nap,

of which I had dreamt of being pregnant with a demon child...

surrounded by hills and evil forces rushing towards me.
whereby fr the hilltop you can see trees being rooted out and the greens turning black brown
and the force getting closer and closer.
suddenly, all the objects around such as tractors starts to speed towards me,
but i managed to overcome it using perfect kungfu moves.

( i have control over myself in my dreams!)
then i woke up.
just because my baby cousin is rolling all over me.
yes. rolling on me.

My mom's new found method of waking me up.
hahas :D

i woke up more tired than usual.

and it makes me ponder,

why does my dream looks so familiar, like it is written for a storybook.

what significance does it have anyway?

Because I have always believed that if i rmb a dream, it will come true.

And so far, it has.

This dream, impossible.

Not in the real world.

Guess what then?

i decide to forget all about it and hav dinner!

That's all for my day!

2009-03-16T23:06:00.004+08:00

Today I practiced undue patience with a telemarketer who called at 9PM to makes sarcastic remarks while asking me questions on batteries.

“Oh… you have only heard of these few brands of batteries? PATHETIC”

What else did she do? Cough in my ear… talk to another colleague midway through our conservation and kept promising that she only needed 2 more min for e survey to end.

I felt like slamming down the phone but decided otherwise as I once had a job as a phone operator and I know it is not easy.

My life now is kinda of boring.
waiting for my full time job reply while not daring to accept the part times.
Went to library to try & borrow some books written by Danielle Steel and David Leo,
but all are on loan or traced placed for the branch Im in.
Life's really pathetic huh?
SIGHH!!

2009-03-14T11:09:00.006+08:00

im back!
im back fr AR6 camp
and to my days of boring-after-graduation-zai-jia-zo-bo (do nothing at home).

the camp was fun!
met new frenz & had gd food. gotten a nice suntan too!
although there may be some hiccups here and there.
i enjoyed myself!
the only dislike was the long hours of waiting time.

And i regret goin for e job interview..
from their qns n tone of voice
i dun tink they even intend to hire non-juridical related personnal.
so why bother to even conduct the interview in e first place...
and make me missed my last night of camp, and the fun.

blah
blah
balh
bahl
abhl
ahbl
ahlb
bahl
lbah
blah
blah

i just wan to make my post longer
so my blog looks neater!

it's sleeping time!
zZZZzzzzZZ

2009-03-02T10:34:00.002+08:00

I feels like going on a shoppin spree. But now that I am still jobless.. i shld restraint and lock myself at home. This is e 2nd /3rd wk that I have been rotting at hm. I even lost counts of the short days. You can imagine how bored I am.

It's an irony. I long for freedom while I was still schooling, being chased by endless projects and deadlines. Now that I'm free, I missed e feeling of being burnt.

This wkend is e SUNTEC career fair. If I havent get a job by den.. i will sign up for courses and take up part time.

2009-02-26T09:58:00.001+08:00

Why this emptiness feeling always lingers around…
Without a job or education I feel just like an empty shell without substance.

2009-02-20T21:24:00.002+08:00

I got a very meaningful email from a fren
Quote from George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin

2009-02-20T00:29:00.002+08:00

Thanks Serene for shopping with me today!
and im very glad that i found my long lost friend How Wei Ting on facebk!
:D

2009-02-18T11:57:00.006+08:00

i found some directions!

As long as the path can give me a glimsp of my future, I doesn't matter if the road is rocky or full of obstacles, I think i will be able to move on.

I need a job that can allow me to attend church on Sundays! I may hav found it:D

Right now, I am revising notes for my project interview tml.
Just to refresh my memories..
not doing any preparation in particular becoz i wldn't be able to answer the intelligent Ms Ivy Tan's qns.
my research paper is too shallow, too many loopholes.
the topic "prospect of nature-based attractions and ecotourism in Singapore" ..
i thought I would have the advantage and confidence to do this topic from my internship experience in JBP.
obviously, i was very wrong.
Too little time to research for solid informations by the time I found out I was on the wrong track.

A thesis shld be full of facts and critical analysis.
but mine? just my perceptions and very personal views of the future.

I am just enjoyin every moment of studyin now.
as I might not be able to do it anymore in the near future.

2009-02-15T21:17:00.003+08:00

i can't seems to communicate with my mom
everytime i want to bring across a message,
or ask her smthg...
it will result in argument.

hiax.

is it really my character problem?
Mayb i shld wish for more patience when i turn twenty this year.

2009-02-14T17:06:00.003+08:00

I’ve been thinking alot lately.
Due to the plenty amount of free time that is suddenly avail to me..
Or was it necessary becoz it concerns my future?

Before I con’,
Can I nonsensically rant abit?
Why does Sg govt focus so much on education?
Why must e economic crisis hit at this period?
job or further educations?
i weigh both options...
with constraints, monetary factors, my likes...
i still end up at the crossroad.

i really duno what to do, where to go.
pls pray for me. Thanks:D

2009-02-14T16:55:00.001+08:00

graduation means jobless.
what should i do?

2009-01-04T20:57:00.002+08:00

Due to the intensity of projects,
i wouldn't be blogging for a period of time.

I totally love today!

2008-12-29T15:13:00.002+08:00

i did spring cleaning today!
for chinese new yr lo.
coz i doubt I'll have the time.

Anyways..
happy new yr everyone.
i'll be celebrating with the birds.

2008-12-26T17:31:00.010+08:00

it saddens me.

First thing in the morning I saw the objectionable msg.
you know that I am not feeling well.
but you did not even said a word of condolences.

you saw me so twice during work.
and you did not even mention anything about the morning incident.

so what is this all about know?
sending the msg at 2am plus.

Do you expect me to replied how apologetic I am?
Or expect me to rebuke you so that you get a chance to lecture me or bring me down?
By doing this it just makes me feel that you are just venting anger on me on smthg that makes you unhappy.

what you says are theorictically right...
on respecting leaders in organisation.

but what I do...
I do at it with the best interest of everyone too.
I am not opposing you.

I'll appreciate it if you msg me at the right time or speak with me directly.

That's the different between Generation X and Y.
One prefers autonomy and focus on results.
The other wants dependence and relies more on process.

So i guess the one with power and authority will have the last say.

2008-12-22T23:28:00.004+08:00

cough cough*
i feel so weak.
all the tiredness this wk has made me feel like not going to work at all.
but i cant.

xmas im working at waterfall..
so i need to learn.

sis is overseas
bro in army.
mom is sick.
time to start on SIP assignments

i'll try to be home early these few days.

2008-12-12T23:33:00.001+08:00

i totally love children church camp!

i look forward to youth camp now!

2008-12-10T23:48:00.004+08:00

So much for the ungratefulness!
Took off just for you and there is not even a word of thanks
And I have to find out by myself only today that you are actually free on friday.
What’s worst is ur reply “Don’t off on that day lah”
Didn’t you just went through your internship and know that things don’t work out this way.
There is procedure for everything
I am not the boss and I don’t decide on my off day.

I am just pissed off because I am f**king tired.
My workload seems to increase every day, work accumulated from things not being completed because there just wasn’t enough time
And upper mgmt staff who only know how to see and comment that things are not done properly
Thank God that I have a co-partner Fizal who shares the burden with me.
The past two days we have been squeezed dry; our time and energy to trim the center aviary
Despite our efforts, not even a quarter of the area has been trimmed
Then I asked again, are we employed to do agriculture?
I bet SEA is the only area that does our own plant trimmings.

Aviary too messy, drain not cleared and blah blah blah,
Doesn’t anyone even see the efforts we put in, in keeping the pond clear, water plates free of algae and other stuff
Do those do not need time and effort?

I am going to clear my mind of frustration and unhappiness.
Because tomorrow is the Children Church camp which I look forward to

And although work may seems bad but there is Magnolia! So it makes work fun.

Small little things like spotting a Collared Kingfisher which is very rare in my area makes my day too!

2008-12-01T22:22:00.006+08:00

I figure out that all adults like to hear gd stuffs
so in my e journal,
i wrote the nov entry in a very positive light.

And here's my LO reply, praising me
A true test of your internship is that the company never consider you to be an intern!

i did not lie.
But that will never happens in my internship company.
For an intern is always an intern.
No matter how small or big we may contribute to the company,
We are just temporary.
Denied all special privileges.

We can fight for it.
But why bother taking smthng they r unwilling to give.

2008-11-29T12:40:00.007+08:00

If things does not turn the way you want it,
it doesn't mean it will turn for the worse.

letting all out.
it does feels better, doesn't it?
even in a drunken state.

just like ur fav song lyrics
I'm taking my own life with wine
it helps you to rule out the sorrow
it helps me to empty my mind

I witness one of my fren whom I think is a "all-gd guy"get drunk ydae.
it makes me wonder...
I i gets drunk..
which of my heart's darkness secret would i reveal.

I myself do not know.

Mayb I should try out one day.
so my heart will not constantly feels so suffocated.

Although I did not get to participate in the game ydae,
the dinner at katong laksa and bbq at east coast turns out great.
being able to sit by the seaside, enjoy the cold breeze with the warm fire from the fire starters was fantastic.

i haven relaxed for a long time.
with the exception of indulging in videos and music as a form of escape.

2008-11-24T23:07:00.009+08:00

These few days I'd been goin out after work.

(21/11) thur-captain's ball, fri -dinner with tcc fren, sat - dinner at changi airport w family

sun- dinner w mummy n we went for shopping. today, which is my mon off day - Zoo.

i still hav quite a few activities comin up this week!

but im quite drained alr.

and i still want to meet up with many more fren

like jess and fiona...

and i still hav my ejournal to do.

i want to start on my proj too!

Lol. I need more time.

I need to better manage my time!

hahas.

e advantage of havin internship is that u can get to play more after work:D

i feel restrained...

like the birds in the cages.

it's an irony..

that e keeper is just like them.

2008-11-23T23:37:00.004+08:00

Do I seems to be having too much fun
or laughed too much during work?

Maybe my way of enjoying work is inappropriate.
Fun and work does not go along well together.
And autonomy too

Ice cream is the best antidote to sweeten ur day,
be it you are feeling down or up.
And it has now become my best fren.

2008-11-22T23:55:00.003+08:00

the past three days i've been tired by after-work activities,
that i feel so drained.
Despite all the tiredness,
i still enjoyed work.

That's why my heart is feel with rage and disappointment.

2008-11-16T21:32:00.004+08:00

today was a fun day!
and i got myself a christian name which i quite like it!
Nolynn
the reason is that i've frenz namely Mag and Lia.
and the three of us are always together.
therefore we are Mag - No - Lia.

that's cool:)

Nolynn means champion.
but im only a half champion.
who cares? coz i like e name!

2008-11-11T11:09:00.006+08:00

i can't believe it rained the whole day during work yesterday
The day before it was so hot that we bought ben's & jerry's ice cream.
i was thinking: Why do heaven has so much rage or tears?
That's so a pessimistic, and random thought.

Anyway,the extreme weathers has make me feel lethargic at work.
My only accomplishment yesterday was washing JJ's kitchen.
Working at JJ and DD for the past few days has made me feel disconnected with SEA.
I am pretty sad that a Malay Peacok egg did not survived yesterday,
because of the rain ( the hen would usually leave the eggs in e rain and go under the shelther themselves. The egg becomes cold and die)
but the main reason was that I overlooked it and did not bring it to the breeding center immediately the day before. Or else it would have survived.

Nothing gd happen when I am around. The parrot is angry. The only kingfisher died. The pond always have dead fishes and less birds are flying around. Most prob hiding in the trees.

Maybe I haven put in enough efforts. I shall stop being emotionally frustrated with humans and channel all my energy toward my birds. Must make SEA a more vibrant and happy place for the birds before I gets rotated out to WFA.

But for today, I shall stop procrastinating and start on my project.

I am looking forward to the afternoon out with my favourite cousin, and take the time to adjust myself to a better mood.

2008-11-09T22:48:00.005+08:00

My long awaited chance for job rotation has finally arrived.
Besides SEA, I am working at JJ and DD now.
But things are moving a little too fast.
I am taught only for one day, and I am teaching Mag and Lia now.
I am quite confident that I am feeding the birds correctly.
But I am afraid that what I teach them will not be to my upmost ability as I am still learning too.
so they can't learn much too.

im sorry girls

work has been pleasant these few days
although the temp is either hot and humid or wet and muddy...
but little things like Gan allowing me to accumulate off days for my church camp makes me really :D
Many small things can make a great day.

2008-11-06T23:54:00.006+08:00

Guess what is the small bird that is on my shoulder? hahas.
Ans: I also duno, coz it's special.

work so far is fine. as usual
look forward to job rotation though.

and im havin trouble with my project.
it's somehow related to science and birds, which im not familiar abt.
so how. im struggling to even get the proj started!
much less the portfolio.

anyway, i looked messy in e pic.
all my fellow coursemates put on makeup and nice suits for work,
i've only got mud, dirt, messy hair and a pair of winkled hands.
but it's all worth it for the experience!

2008-11-03T23:10:00.001+08:00

2008-11-01T22:08:00.002+08:00

im so :)
chatting wif jess now
and she's comin back in two wks time!
lol.. suddenly feel so excited!!

and today was great!
coz i did alot of shoppin..
bought a laptop bag
and levi's jeans and shirt
of coz, i burnt a hole in my wallet too.
hahas. but i tink e money was well spent!

cant wait for tue's concert!

2008-10-30T22:30:00.004+08:00

yesterday was my off day!
and it was double happiness..

LG was promoting Korea Festival 2008.
Purchase a LG KF750 and get a pair of K pop concert tix FOC!

so i got myself a new phone n e tixs!!!
im loving my new mini touch screen hp...
and i can't wait for e concert tis comin tue!
im goin to rush down fr work!

2008-10-25T23:03:00.007+08:00

I apologise for not blogging recently.
Besides work, I have been indulging in youtubes and music.
Have not started with my project or barely finish my 2nd ejournal.
I think i've got to buck up :P

Internship so far has been very much e same as when I've first started.
Cleaning and feeding at SEA Birds Aviary.
Of course things changes with situations, but not much. (For instance, Life and Death. but i guess I can't reveal.)

To add on a little excitement, I am doing the Ostrich feeding every Saturday. So far every Saturday.
But today things did not go so well... I think I can't perform well when the others are around.

I admire the show dept. Their ability to interact with e visitors, to capture their attention while educating them and doing the feeding properly has been fantastic. I guess I can never gasp the technique. That's why they are frm the Show Dept, and I am not.

But the feeding is a thing I enjoyed doing, coz I finally get to interact with the guests.

So before e internship ends, I hope I can accomplish two things.
To be able to do the feeding well.
And to handle birds.
What's a bird keeper if she does not know how to hold one bird?

To be con'
coz Im tired :P
Sweet nights!

2008-10-08T19:40:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since I blogged
well.. i can think of a million reasons not to blog
~partially work life is quite boring.
nothin to blog about.
~don't feel like bloggin
~too tired coz my IC has been on AL.
and blah.

How are you Jess? Hope u r coping fine:)

My LO left me a tag
Good luck and hope the birds continue to be lucky to be fed by you!
lol. hahas:)

2008-09-17T21:14:00.002+08:00

as i listen to e christian songs
i hav a sudden urge to cry
i miss church so much.
i miss my church fren so much
i miss God so much.

i realise how foolish I am
I kind of regret my choice of SIP.
what can i learn take away fr there?
just feed and clean, and memorise e birds name
which will not be useful for my future.

I accepted e job thinking it's cool to work in an attraction,
esp as an animal keeper.
but im not enjoyin it.

it's not e job scope
it's e work load
too simple that I get to "nap" every noon.

i start to get bored when e 2nd wk is not even over.
help me!

JBP One

2008-09-10T06:09:00.002+08:00

my first day of work...
look at e time now!!!

i woke up one hr earlier
really full now after havin two buns.
cant go back to sleep
will kill time by surfin e net:P

JBP

2008-09-09T12:30:00.005+08:00

Jurong Birdpark just called
when i was about to call them to cfm abt my first day tml
hiax. first bad impression
they must hav thot that i've no initiative * worried*

The four hours journey back and fro to my workplace of four months & two weeks.
i really duno what to expect.
no fear, no anticipation too.
but i will bring a positive attitude there.

gambatte huiting! :)

the ability to make myself believe that everything will be alright.
since i was young
i credit it to havin faith in God.

2008-08-29T01:04:00.004+08:00

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I LOST MY COMPANY'S BADGE, NAMETAG & MY THUMBDRIVE!!!!

hiaz. sigh~hiax.
what more can i say to express my sadness?

summary of today thots:
today marks an ending
and a new beginning

Ending of exams and studyin
this may be my last paper examination in life!
and beginning of many more new THINGS TO DO

such as for now,
im goin to study TCC menu

i still need to pack my cardboard,
arrange for class outing and many other meet-ups
collect contact lenses
get malacca brochure
go to sch
print n let mummy sign forms
work
sleep
play
and the list goes on.

one wk of break before SIP starts is definitely not enuf
:(