foreveralone.
I've forgotten that laughing with a friend can make you feel less alone in this vast world, and that trite poems can renew you in a vulnerable moment.
Saturday, August 29, 2009!
Kum rant on; 12:20 PM
The past few days I’ve been reminiscing about the past and thinking how different the present will be if I’ve taken another direction. It was regret that I’ve never taken studies seriously. Since young, sports were the only aspect that I’ve committed and give my all in. For Studies, my mom was always the decision maker.
Now that I’m working, I kind of miss studying. I missed exams. I tried to surmount this urge by reading but failed terribly as reading was never my habit since young.
Time has standstill. I’m like a rock, never forward moving or falling back, just collecting moss. And recently, I just find doing sports so meaningless. What’s the purpose of it? In the past, it was for the glory of the school. What’s now? Self- actualization? I only find my motivation wearing thin. This is a painful struggle, because for the past thirteen years I’ve been doing it, from Chinese dance, netball, cheerleading to the now muay thai. Sports have occupied a major part of my life; become my daily routine that is hard to break away from. But recently, I just don’t enjoy doing it anymore.
Is this part of growing up phase? I am thrown into this confusion state because things that I’ve neglected in the past suddenly seems important to me. And things I’ve worked hard for, I feel like I can give it all up now.
The only comfort I can find is in Lord, because he will never change. Although my love for him has been a quiet one, I appreciate this kind of arrangement. No one can ever fathom the amount of support I find in him, that he has kept me from straying many times. I am good now because of him.
I’ll try and revive my blog by writing once weekly. Not for the sake of others, but myself. I doubt any but one or two may read my blog, but it's just to brush up my writing skills!