foreveralone.
I've forgotten that laughing with a friend can make you feel less alone in this vast world, and that trite poems can renew you in a vulnerable moment.
Monday, March 17, 2008!
Kum rant on; 10:58 PM
this is the best pic i've ever seen!!
too bad but im not part of it.
Cheerobics is finally over.
actually, when i tink back...
i only rmb coach tying up my hair,
feelin emotional for the team cat,
& being bloated after kfc.
next thing is i bathed twice consecutively.
woke up at 6.20 & work at 8am.
my manager was tryin to teach me cashiering,
& i told him i haven memorise e menu...
to hint him to slow things down as it was only my 2nd day.
he said just learn.
and later i found out that most of my colleagues get to do barista at their 3rd wk.
which motivates me to learn things faster.
then my manager scared me twice ( i shld say i scared myself),
and asked me whether i was bored,
mayb i was starin into space...
as there is not much customers,
when actually i was driftin off to dreamland.
hahas. i love workin at TCC.T3A!
the dynamic crew.
& sort of being able to work independently.
mayb all i'd seen is so far - e best!
i hope my work wld remain as pleasant as i've experienced so far.
im earnin money for my bintan trip!
pay in a wk's time? wohoo!
and this fri im supposed to go my cousin hse for bdae celebration.
but need to work...
1.5 times e normal pay as it's gd fri! :D
that's cool!
and im gettin BAPTISED on sun!
even better!
today's evenin...
i was lookin forward to enjoyin it by bloggin and watchin tv.
it's like a luxury to me now.
but i end up in e hospital visitin my baby cousin at KK.
and eatin mr bean ice cream.
arh. fats!
Get Well soon Yan Yi!
i miss ur smiles, laughters & hugs.
after his operation he got scared.
and only let's his mummy & daddy carry:(
i miss carryin him.
it's like free hugs
for the grp team...
if it's not for our hard work,
our rountine wldnt go up so easy.
so i tink we did a gd job.
but to be honest,
i wasn't expect us to win as our stunts are too simple.
it's more for e experience.
next time when we hav more energy and muscles.
and me more lockin & flyin skills...
we shall get back our medals okie!
if anyone's disappointed wif me not cryin or keepin slient after e rountine.
i only can say im sorrie.
becoz that's what i becum after goin into esss.
netball taught me great things abt independent & crazy wildness
but 4e1 trained my heart to be cold. to keep emotions.
i dun believe in showin sadness now
but i believe in keepin quiet for fear of speakin e wrong things.
i dun believe in showin feelins
in e past, for the fear of being hurt
now, mayb for e fear of gettin disappointed
if e reaction i get back is not of what i've expected.
actually im still abit confused here.
i dun tink im cut out to be a cheerleader.
i like to be quiet
& alone
and more of the times im like nuisance to the team,
always bickering wif my sister.
addin to her troubles.
always being THE Ms snob.
always showin e black face.
stunts, skills & physical wise not progressin.
and im not a cam whore.
im not like any other cheerful blazers.
and the only reason i tink im still in e team..
is becoz i dream big.
i wan to do beautiful stunts.
so until e day where my hope wears out,
and my conscience and mind convince my heart that i can never be that gd.
i'll be gone for goodness sake.
for netball, i stayed for four yrs.
for cheerleadin, can i stay for another yr?
my sis message abt me on her blog:
Huiting: Haha although when ppl saw we look alike i always give that erxined face... but actuali its really quite cool to have a twin la:) Shes very generous but too perfectionist sometimes... Can be a really really good and reliable friend if u know her well:)
hmmm..
since when im generous?
but i admit im a perfectionist when it comes to my passion.
that's when my performance always fails my expectation.
im touched when u say that i can be a gd fren...
you are just being nice!
you are always nice to me.
buti tink u do know that i dun believe best friend existed in this world.
but u r diff. coz u r my sis.
im sorrie for being so negative.
i pray for God that i'll let go of my past unhappiness
coz it's unhealthy.
and i do believe i can be a gd fren to many.
but i just dun trust ppl easily.
i wan to become a better person.
but im too comfortable in my old shell now.